“Night is not something to endure until dawn. It is an element like wind or fire. Darkness is its own kingdom; it moves to its own laws, and many living things dwell in it.” –Patricia A. McKillip
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Farewell, sweet boy
Duncan Hines. Duncan Donuts. The Duncanator. Puppyface. He was a dog known by many names, but the one he officially received upon his appearance in our lives back in 2010 was Duncan Walker Weir.
He died last night at the age of 9 after suffering from a brain tumor.
Duncan was part of a litter of puppies born on a Vermont farm. As a birthday present to himself, Marcus adopted Duncan on the same day his friend Sherry adopted Duncan’s brother, Shakazulu. This meant the pups, who were nearly identical, would be able to spend their lives together.
If we went out of town, Duncan would stay at Shaka’s house and vice versa. It was during one of these visits that the brothers invented the game “Chase Me”:
After one such sleepover at our place, Sherry and Shaka got into their car to head home. Apparently Duncan didn’t want them to leave yet so he broke away from M’s grasp and chased after their car. Several drivers swerved to avoid him, but one vehicle struck Duncan and kept going, leaving his broken body on the side of the road. As neighbors sped after the hit-and-run driver, M raced to Duncan’s side.
Duncan survived the collision, thanks to the skills of emergency vets at the local animal hospital. He suffered multiple contusions and a broken hip that required both an operation and months of confinement. Eventually, Duncan did heal, but he never saw his brother again. Just before Duncan’s rehab was complete, another hit-and-run driver crashed into his brother. Sweet Shaka didn’t survive.
Once back on his feet, Duncan resumed his favorite activities: playing an abbreviated version of fetch (he refused to bring the ball back more than once or twice), rolling in the grass with his feet wildly dancing in the air, going on leashless hikes through the woods, running through fallen leaves, bathing in snow drifts and chewing on his toys.
The cats helped to raise Duncan so he never treated them like the enemy. Instead, he learned to purr as a sign of happiness (it sounded like a piggy grunt) and paid extra careful attention to his grooming habits. He befriended the neighbor’s outdoor tomcat, every squirrel who appeared in our yard and, unfortunately, a couple of less-than-thrilled skunks who he probably assumed were just smelly cats. After a litter of kittens arrived at our home last fall, Duncan immediately became their 90 lb. “big brother,” teaching them how to wrestle and beg for ham. And when our friends adopted a Golden Retriever puppy with special needs earlier this month, Duncan showed her the ropes.
Strangers who met Duncan would often ask about his ancestry. We tended to describe him as a “Heinz 57” dog (i.e., a mixture of several breeds, an all-around mutt). Over the years, M and I agreed that he appeared to be a unique combination of German Shepherd, some sort of retriever, a bit of husky and possibly a smidge of beagle.
Duncan generally preferred the company of women to men, though he made special allowances for the “pizza man.” This probably had more to do with the fact that we gave Duncan bits of our pizza crusts than an affinity for the fellow who delivered the pie. While kibble was his main source of sustenance and he was taught from an early age that it was impolite to beg, he still enjoyed the occasional piece of carrot, a hunk of cream cheese, a slice of salami and once, a stolen plate of pork chops.
Duncan kept me company while I worked through the night. Until illness affected his ability to climb stairs, he also rested near my bed while I slept during the day. He liked reclining on the loveseats and on the big dog pillows, but would forego these spots if the kitties were sleeping there first. The very best place to rest, however, was at our feet or by our side. He just loved being near “his people.”
In the few extended periods that we were separated from him, caregivers would remark on Duncan’s habit of waiting by the door or peering through the window, as if willing us to return.
Even if we just went out to eat for dinner or to a movie, we’d find him waiting at the garage door, his expression and demeanor making it clear that it felt like we had been gone forever. This was even more true for M, who was Duncan’s favorite. Anyone who spent time in our house saw that Duncan loved us both, yet he worshiped and adored M.
The two of them were boon companions. They swam together, did chores together, even went to work together. People on the hiking trails knew Duncan by sight, for he was friendly and well-behaved. M was simply known as “Duncan’s dad.” And when their stubborn personalities occasionally clashed, any disagreements were quickly forgiven.
Once we learned that Duncan had only a few months left to live, we vowed to make the most of that time. So we gave Duncan belly and chest rubs, balls and toys, rides and runs, so many treats and lots of love. When the cancer began to affect his sight, mobility and demeanor, we decided it was time to put him down.
Last night, after the vet gave Duncan the first shots — the ones that put him to sleep — he continued to look at us with his big, brown eyes. We pet his fur and told him how very much we loved him and it was clear he knew he would not die alone. Just before he received the fatal dose of medicine, Duncan gave M a few final licks and then he was gone.
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Even without a watch, my dog can tell time
Despite being a dog, Duncan knows when my husband is supposed to be home from work and will be waiting by the garage door at the correct time to greet him. Duncan understands that when he hears the shake of a medicine bottle, it’s time to take his pills (which are served wrapped inside a delicious slice of ham). And he comprehends when it’s time to eat breakfast because at 6 a.m. every day, he appears next to my desk and looks at me expectantly. Sometimes, he’ll even lick his lips.
M generally feeds Duncan in the mornings. Yet on weekends, he sleeps in and that task falls to me. Sun up or still dark, daylight saving time or the old standard one, Duncan will appear at my desk exactly at 6, ready to be fed his bowl of kibble.
This punctuality would be impressive in any 9-year-old animal. It’s even more so since Duncan has been battling brain cancer since December.
He was sleeping under our feet in the living room when he suffered his first seizure. M and I immediately rushed him to the emergency animal hospital and after a barrage of tests, the staff said it was either epilepsy or a brain tumor.
A visit to our regular vet — and even more tests — ruled out epilepsy, allergic reactions and even tick-related illnesses he might have caught. Nope, it was a tumor and the options available were not only expensive, but unlikely to help.
The seizures continued and they were awful. They would always start when Duncan was sleeping, as if he’d gone too deep into Morpheus’ realm and had encountered trouble while trying to return to wakefulness. His entire body would convulse violently and his legs would either move in galloping circles, like he was running away, or stretch straight out and lock as if he’d been struck by lightning. His eyes would roll back into his head, his mouth would foam and his bladder would release.
During each episode, we would kneel beside Duncan and speak in comforting tones. We’d keep his head from banging against the ground and count the minutes that he was under attack from the growing intruder inside his brain. Most seizures lasted a minute or two and then he’d come out of it feeling bewildered and confused. When his vision cleared, he’d look at us and not quite recognize our faces, even though we’re his “people.”
Longer seizures or clusters would leave him unable to stand or unsteady on his feet once he could return to an upright position. At that point, the pacing would start, a frantic trot through the house, that would continue until he regained his bearings in the conscious world. Nothing consoled him during this period so we would use the time to clean up the mess left behind by the attack.
Following examinations from a third vet, we began experimenting with all sorts of palliative options, such as acupuncture, massage, special “brain” food to boost his immune system and cognitive health and numerous meds, anything to keep the dreaded seizures at bay. And for the most part, these efforts have helped. But we’re not fooling ourselves. We know that cancer is a bloody bastard, one that continues to grow inside our beloved pup’s brain.
M and I don’t have a clue about how much time we have left with Duncan so we’re trying to make the most of it. I just know that when he’s gone, 6 a.m. will be a painful daily reminder that he no longer needs to be fed.
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Last month in pop culture
Best TV show I saw: “Gardeners World.” Thanks to BritBox, I’ve fallen hard for this BBC2 show about gardening. Hosted by the knowledgeable Monty Don, the program shares tips on starting a garden, maintaining a garden, designing a garden and prepping a garden for each new season.
As a very amateur gardener — one with a black thumb, no less — I have found this show to be invaluable while I attempt my first container garden (see picture above). Even if gardening isn’t your thing, “Gardeners World” is a lovely way to relax after a long week and remember the beauty of nature.
I also enjoyed: Dreaming about the future while watching “Escape to the Country” and enjoying the Devil’s antics during a rewatch of “Lucifer.”
Best movie I saw: M and I took in a second viewing of “Avengers: Endgame” before he flew to Texas for his summer roadtrip. As a huge Marvel fan (yes, I’ve seen all the movies multiple times), I found “Endgame” to be a solid conclusion to a long and exciting series of films.
I also watched: “John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum,” which was better than Chapter 2, but still not the gut-punch that Chapter 1 was. That said, this fast-paced ultra-violent action film will satisfy anyone who enjoys a well-choreographed fight scene.
Best thing I heard: The “Tetris and the Seed Potatoes of Leningrad” episode of “The Anthropocene Reviewed” podcast. I learned a lot about both topics, the former more lighthearted than the latter, and continued to think about them in the weeks following the listening session. I give this episode five stars.
I also listened to: A bunch of classic tunes that I added to my “workout” playlist. Then I took said playlist to the gym. Haven’t been back there in months. Still hate absolutely everything about working out, but the tunes were good. New additions include “Gangsta’s Paradise” by Coolio, “3 am” by Matchbox Twenty” “You Oughta Know” by Alanis Morissette and a great cover of “White Rabbit” by Haley Reinhart (perfect for cooldown).
Best thing I read: “The Dreamers” by Karen Thompson Walker (no relation). A mysterious illness that triggers perpetual sleep hits a small college town in California and chaos ensues. I’m with Josh Lyman on this one; the apocalypse won’t involve zombies or nuclear weapons. It’ll be some pandemic of a disease we thought was cured a long time ago. However, if the end of civilization involves a sleeping sickness, I’m fine with that. Sure beats bleeding from the eyeballs or setting yourself on fire (I’m looking at you, “The Hot Zone” and “The Fireman.”).
I’m also reading: “The Lost Gutenberg: The Astounding Story of One Book’s Five-Hundred-Year Odyssey” by Margaret Leslie Davis. There are fewer than 50 original copies of the Gutenberg Bible in existence and only one (#45) has ever been owned by a woman. Davis tracks the entire life cycle of that copy, from its creation by Johannes Gutenberg to the obsessed collector who spent decades trying to add it to her private library. A fascinating tale for bibliophiles.
My current desktop picture:
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Quote of the day
“Writers are like dancers, like athletes. Without that exercise, the muscles seize up Exercise the writing muscle every day.” –Jane Yolen