• Anger

    The email subject line read: Are you ready for the 2020 election?

    My first thought was quite laden with profanity. I’d print it here, but I’m sure your imagination can fill in the gaps. Let’s just say I became a giant squid of anger.

    The frustration and fury I felt was quickly followed by some rather uncharitable thoughts that involved lashing the sender 40 times with a wet noodle until a promise was exacted to never write those words again.

    And then I remembered… It’s Christmastime, Walker. Ho ho ho, merry merry and all those silver bells ringing. I recalled my conscious decision to be more charitable during this season of joy and my plan to continue a practice of kindness into the new year.

    Fine.

    So, after taking a large gulp of hot tea and a few cleansing breaths, I calmly deleted the email without responding.

    This year has been politically dreadful. Actually, the political arena in America has been abominable since, oh, 2015. After all the death threats and rape threats and bomb threats, the political sign pollution, the endless ads, the doxxing, the interminable debates, the vicious tweets and the mountains of lies, I was well and truly ready to put all thoughts of elections firmly in the past and just enjoy the rest of the year.

    Due to my job, this is an impossible task. But for the sake of my health — nay, for the sake of my sanity — I have decided to do everything I can to avoid focusing too much on the past election cycle or dwelling on the next one. Particularly since it’s two FREAKIN’ YEARS AWAY, DAMN IT.

    Sorry.

    Sorry.

    Reminder to self: Love. Kindness. Goodwill toward all.

    Deep breaths.

  • Typewriter - Once upon a time

    Quote of the day

    “Remember that pianist who said that if he did not practice every day, he would know, if he did not practice for two days, the critics would know, after three days, his audience would know. A variation of this is true for writers. Not that your style, whatever it is, would melt out of shape in those few days. But what would happen is that the world would catch up with and try to sicken you. If you did not write every day, the poisons would accumulate and you would begin to die, or act crazy, or both. You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.” –Ray Bradbury

  • Making dough

    “You usually have to wait for that which is worth waiting for.”

    The hardest part of baking isn’t the measuring and weighing of ingredients, the kneading and folding of dough or even cooking food at the proper temperature.

    It’s the waiting.

    Waiting for yeast to blossom. Waiting for dough to rise and rise again. Waiting for pastry to chill. Waiting for cream or egg whites to whip into clouds. Waiting for butter to brown. Waiting for butter to soften in a cold room. Waiting for cakes to come to room temperature so you can frost ’em. Waiting for mousse or puddings or creams or custards to set. Waiting for caramel to form. Waiting for pie to get cool enough to eat.

    All of this waiting feels uncomfortable when one lives a life in the rush of now, the breakneck pace of busy. Which is also why I appreciate baking’s long wait times. Waiting forces me to slow down, to take my time, to recognize that I’m trying to create good food — not fast food.

    Waiting requires patience and I feel like that’s a virtue few, if any of us, cultivate anymore. Perhaps we should.

    –Title quote by Craig Bruce

  • Making Xmas list

    Let the wild rumpus start

    November is here — the damn elections are mostly over — and so begins the wondrous time of year involving comfort food, friends/family, music, light, snow, presents, holiday specials and (hopefully) goodwill toward others.

    Despite the madness of the past few weeks, I’m happy to say that I’ve made a serious dent in my holiday checklist:

    ✓ Make birthday/Christmas wishlist
    ✓ Buy Christmas wreath
    ✓ Buy Christmas cards/stamps
    ✓ Make the shopping list for Thanksgiving
    ✓ Request Xmas card addresses
    ✓ Finish Christmas shopping
    ✓ Shop for Thanksgiving dinner
    ✓ Shop for Christmas cookie ingredients
    Start baking!
    Prepare Thanksgiving feast
    Bake birthday cake
    Celebrate my 45th birthday
    Decorate the house for the holidays
    Write the Christmas letter and cards
    Buy any last-minute gifts
    Wrap all of the presents
    To the post office!
    Make the shopping list for Christmas
    Order roast beast
    Shop for Christmas dinners
    Keep baking!
    Buy Christmas trees
    Decorate Christmas trees
    Celebrate Yule
    Light the luminaries
    Go on our annual Christmas Eve drive of lights with the late, great Stuart McLean
    Prepare Christmas feast

    Are you ready for the holidays to start?

  • Autumn in NH

    The distinction between the past, present and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.

    Time behaves differently in the Fall. Or at least it does for me.

    I spend all Summer dreading the arrival of each long, hot and sunny day, knowing the high temperatures will not only bring me discomfort but the pain of migraines as well. All that cruel light smothers my spirit and all that oppressive heat brings out the grouch.

    Summers seem to take forever, which is why I frequently open my Autumn countdown, a bookmarked page that tells me how long I must abide until my favorite season returns. While the counter is set to the equinox, my spirit is simply not willing to wait that long. Come faster! I demand, and my brain persuades itself to reschedule the season’s debut to September 1st.

    Visit any shop and you’ll see I’m not alone in my hurry. All of the retailers now display Halloween candy and decor alongside school supplies in August. So by the time the kids are starting classes, I’m in full-on “Holiday Jade” mode, decorating the house in reds and oranges and yellows, digging the vanilla candles out of storage, searching for a new costume and prepping for harvest feasts.

    The weather does not always cooperate with my desire. I may be ready for Fall’s appearance at the beginning of September but Summer’s stranglehold has only been strengthened by global warming. That means I’m forced to wait even longer for the temperatures to cool and the leaves to change. It was in the mid-80s last week and that was really harshing my mellow. But then… Canada, oh wonderful Canada, sent a cold front to New England and I was beyond thrilled by this gift.

    Even as my excitement grew with the arrival of cooler weather, I was frustrated that half of the season had already passed. Where did the time go? Whoosh! It flew by, as it always does. Summer plods along forever and Autumn rides with the wind.

    Over the weekend, M and I took our first leafing trip of the year through the White Mountains. Although the leaves are only beginning to turn here in Manchester, the further north you go, the more bright and stunning the landscape becomes. We drove so far north that we actually passed the foliage’s peak, which meant many of the leaves had already lost their luster and fallen to the ground. As we drove home, it felt a bit like going back through time, rewinding the season to its beginning.

    We left the windows wide open through most of Saturday afternoon, letting in the fresh clean air. It was only after the darkness came and the temperatures started to drop into the 30s that we closed the panes. We didn’t turn on the heat, though. We just donned sweaters and snuggled closer; such intimacy is nearly impossible during the hotter months.

    With shorter days and less sunlight, I’m sleeping better and longer. Buried beneath flannel sheets and multiple blankets, my unconscious mind allows dreams of fantasy to overrule the more stressful ones about work and the state of the world.

    I’m also doing my best to practice hygge. Hot showers and heated towels make getting out of bed worthwhile. Hot black tea is once again pleasurable to drink. Eating in season means enjoying fresh apple cider donuts and pumpkin pies. Cats are more likely to cuddle and less likely to leave their shedded fur behind. Even my preferred decor of witches, gargoyles and skulls now seems in fashion rather than just weird.

    The long nights may feel endless to daywalkers, but to me, they can’t last long enough. It’s as if the very night is revealing its mysteries to me and my brethren. My muse has also returned and she is brimming with ideas.

    As I watch the leaves skitter across the back deck, I find myself wishing for the ability to bank time from the warmer months and add it to October. I’d be more than happy to live off those stolen hours.

    –Headline quote from Albert Einstein.