Midnight Musings – A journal by Jade Walker

45 Hours

February 6, 2017 / 1 Comment

Forty-five hours. That’s how long my latest migraine lasted. Forty-five hours of searing pain, nausea, exhaustion, dizziness, an inability to think clearly, sensitivity to light and sound, and did I mention, searing pain?

This past weekend has been rough so if I owe you an email, please accept my apology. It’s not you, it’s me.

That said, I’m comforted by two thoughts. First, some people have it a lot worse. Last year, I suffered from two dozen migraines and only a handful persisted for longer than 24 hours (though one did rake me over the coals for three straight days). And while that sucked, at least I wasn’t among the 4 million Americans who suffer migraines every single day.

Secondly, the damn thing has departed. I’m really tired. Like someone ran me over with a Mack truck tired. And my brain is bruised, which means a few of the other symptoms persist and there’s still a ghost of a headache. But, light, the pain is finally starting to fade and for that I am grateful.
“The New Colossus” by Emma Lazarus

January 29, 2017 / No Comments

Not like the brazen giant of Greek fame,
With conquering limbs astride from land to land;
Here at our sea-washed, sunset gates shall stand
A mighty woman with a torch, whose flame
Is the imprisoned lightning, and her name
Mother of Exiles. From her beacon-hand
Glows world-wide welcome; her mild eyes command
The air-bridged harbor that twin cities frame.
“Keep ancient lands, your storied pomp!” cries she
With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

This text, also known as the Statue of Liberty poem, is mounted on a plaque inside the pedestal. Photo by Statue of Liberty/Ellis Island Official National Park Service.
“No work would be possible without coffee.” –Henning Mankell, “One Step Behind”

January 6, 2017 / 3 Comments

When I was in college, I had a pot-a-day coffee habit. The pot was only big enough to hold four cups, but I diligently drank all of them. I did so because I liked the taste of the strong brew, because I liked the jolt of energy I received from the caffeine it contained and because it felt like the adult thing to do. I woke in the morning and drank a cup of coffee. I had another between classes, a third while working in the newsroom and another late at night when I was trying to stay awake long enough to finish my homework.

By the second year of university, I learned — the hard way — that I had a heart condition, one that was exacerbated by caffeine. On doctor’s orders, I gave up java entirely. The palpitations lessened, even more so once I started taking medicine to ease the condition. And I kept working, just as hard as before, only without the liquid-boost I once enjoyed.

I maintained my coffee sobriety in the decades that followed, allowing myself to consume only one or two cups a year. Drinking more made my heart race.

I still desired to fill the air with the delicious scent of newly ground beans and to listen to the music of a fresh brew dripping into a pot, yet I chose to abstain. Nor did I replace these cravings with other addictions; I simply went without and relied on sheer force of will when age or illness caused my energy to flag.

Then, a few years ago, I drank a cup of coffee. And another. The taste was as I remembered, silky and smooth, but this time the rhythm of my heart didn’t skip a beat or pound. Instead, I was able to consume the creamy, sweet and bitter drink for the sheer enjoyment of its taste rather than the necessary jolt of adrenaline it used to provide.

My annual consumption soon turned into a monthly one, then a weekly one. Now I allow myself to drink one cup a day and it is wonderful, all pleasure with no side effects. Well, almost no side effects. For when I drink coffee, the synapses in my brain begin to fire. In these moments, I must write, talk or move. Unlike tea, which has long symbolized quiet, comfort, warmth and relaxation, coffee demands that I go forth and do something.

Which brings me to today. I need to get some unpacking done. Time to make a cuppa joe and get started.

–Photo by se hui(shirley) Kim
Quote of the week

December 27, 2016 / No Comments

“I mean, 2016 wasn’t a blip. It was the beginning of something. All the bad news that’s arisen isn’t isolated. It’s part of a pattern. This shit is just getting started. The bump that was 2016 isn’t a hill we’re climbing over. It’s the top of Cthulhu’s head as he emerges from the deep.” —Chuck Wendig

–Photo by FooTToo.
2016: The Year In Review

December 21, 2016 / 1 Comment

At the end of each year, I always take a moment to examine the ups and downs I experienced. What follows is my personal and professional review of 2016. I:

* Produced hundreds of breaking news stories about the worldwide refugee crisis, the slaughter in Syria, the 2016 Rio Olympics, the Brexit referendum, the Black Lives Matter movement, the Orlando nightclub massacre, the spread of the Zika virus, the Panama Papers leak, the North Korea nuclear tests, dozens of terror attacks, the Juno probe’s arrival in Jupiter’s orbit, the impeachment of Brazilian President Dilma Rousseff, the 2016 election and countless celebrity deaths.

* Passed the 45,000th tweet mark on my personal Twitter account (@jadewalker).

* Entered an essay contest to win a house in Maine.

* Penned 68 journal entries.

* Wrote 2 poems.

* Worked on my novel.

* Interviewed by Vanessa Lowe for the Nocturne podcast.

* Walked over 1.06 million steps (more than 445 miles) and climbed over 1,060 floors.

* Read 50 books and numerous magazines.

* Watched 39 films and dozens of TV programs.

* Updated The Written Word and The 10th Muse mailing lists.

* Participated in the The Society of Professional Obituary Writers, the New York City Writers Group, the South Florida Freelancers Group, the Journalism & Women Symposium and the Author’s Guild.

* Launched the New Hampshire Writers Guild.

* Traveled to Maine.

* Twice hosted vacationing friends.

* Completed three escape room adventures (and died twice).

* Crossed off an item from my bucket list (was locked inside a bookstore late at night).

* Participated in National Readathon Day.

* Saw Henry Rollins in concert.

* Attended two plays: “Cat on a Hot Tin Roof” and “The Stone Witch.”

* Shot off a large cache of fireworks.

* Completed the Zombies, Run! 5K Virtual Race.

* Suffered from at least 23 migraines.

* Spent nine months caring for my youngest cat Sera, who had terminal cancer, then mourned when she died.

* Celebrated my 7th wedding anniversary.

* Helped my husband find a new job after he was laid off.

* Lived separately from M for months once he landed a great position at a university in Massachusetts.

* Revealed my entire financial background to various firms to qualify for a mortgage.

* Viewed dozens of houses in three states, trying to find one we could afford.

* Bought our first home.

* Turned 43.

Goals for 2017

* Finish unpacking.

* Work on my fiction.

* Write more obits.

* Read at least 50 books.

* Win the lottery.