• birthday cake

    Just a reminder: Happy birthday to you!

    June 4, 2015 / No Comments

    One of my favorite features of social media is the birthday reminder.

    Whenever I receive these emails or spy a notice on a newsfeed, I do my best to take a moment and send good cheer. Generally I’m one of many to wish the happy, yet doing so feels good because no matter how difficult life can be, birthdays should be enthusiastically celebrated.

    The downside of birthday reminders is… well, death. It always makes my heart ache when I receive one of these alerts for a friend or family member who’s died in the past year. Instead of being reminded of joy, I recall the loss of their passing. And it hurts to know they won’t have another birthday.

    Yesterday, I thought about my high school sweetheart all day. Although he died a few years ago, June 3rd has long been a day I noticed because it was his birthday. So even though he’s gone, I can’t help but recall the times we shared and the years we did not. A few hours ago, I received a birthday email for a writer on Livejournal that I followed for more than a decade. He died last year and the loss of his voice has made reading that site just a little less required.

  • Yes, I love cemeteries. But I hate funerals

    June 3, 2015 / No Comments

    “(Funerals) mark that something valuable, a human life, has passed. Whatever else a funeral does or does not do, it must do this.” —Tony Walter

    I don’t attend funerals any more. I’d rather say farewell in a more personal and private manner.

    Funerals are a way to publicly see and acknowledge a death. Yet I prefer to mourn in private. While grief shared may be grief diminished for some, for me the pain is intensified when experienced with others (perhaps some of M’s empathy has rubbed off). Plus, if I want to publicly mourn someone, there are other venues to do so, such as a well-written obituary or tribute.

    Admittedly, part of my desire to avoid funerals has to do with religion. Since I’m an atheist, traditions of faith provide no comfort. I respect those who turn to religion during such difficult times, but the very notion of my trying to connect to the dead through any sort of deity feels both hypocritical and silly.

    That said, the main reason why I dislike funerals is because the process places a giant wall between me and the deceased. That wall may be made of embalming fluid, or caked on make-up or $6,000 caskets sold to impoverished mourners. Such traditions are unnatural, far more unnatural than death itself, and I don’t like how these practices get in the way of proper mourning.

    The last funeral I attended was for my best friend. For some unknown reason, she was placed in an open casket next to a gigantic picture of herself, looking young and healthy. The disparity between how alive she appeared in the photograph and how hideous she looked in death struck me like a blow. I can’t imagine she would’ve wanted to be seen in such a manner, on display like a melting mannequin.

    Alas, that is an image I will never forget.

    I’ve made it known to those close to me that I do not wish to have a funeral. I may love traipsing through cemeteries but I have no intention of being interred in one. Let my words, my friendships, my stories be my legacy. And when my life ends, I will be grateful to any who mourn. Just dispose of my body swiftly and efficiently, in a way that is helpful to the living. The dead have no use for pomp and circumstance.

  • 5 true confessions of a jaded mind

    May 30, 2015 / No Comments

    * My moods are often seasonal.

    * When I watch a series of Vlogbrothers videos, I have to be sibling-fair. This means if I start with a Hank vid, then I have to end with a John vid. I swear, I’m not their mother and yet I love them both equally.

    * Sometimes I think that the only reason I want to win the lottery is so that I can sleep with my husband every night. And then I think of about a million other reasons.

    * I read Twitter backwards (oldest to newest), usually in 8-hour increments.

    * My sense of smell is supernaturally strong.

  • old couple

    Pass the salt, love

    May 26, 2015 / No Comments

    You know those elderly couples who eat together, silently, at restaurants? Don’t pity them.

    Yes, some couples may be ignoring each other or have run out of things to say. But I’ll bet a few of them are having a grand time. They’ve just been together so long that they can communicate telepathically.

    (Photo by cjhallman)

  • csa

    To join a CSA or not to join a CSA? That is the question

    May 7, 2015 / 1 Comment

    Every Spring, I think about joining a CSA.

    Community Supported Agriculture (CSA) is a program that involves buying a number of shares at a local farm. These shares help farmers stay in business and connect with customers interested in their wares. On the consumer side, the shares provide weekly access to fresh, seasonal and often organic foods and help preserve New England’s rural character.

    The CSA I’ve been thinking about joining is connected to a 35-acre farm that’s been in business since 1780 and uses sustainable farming practices. For $400, I can purchase a half-share (enough to feed two people) that provides 17 weeks of certified organic fruit and veg such as asian greens, beans, beets, broccoli, broccoli rabe, brussels sprouts, cabbage, cantaloupe, carrots, cauliflower, celeriac, chard, corn, cucumbers, eggplant, fennel, garlic, scallions, soybeans, herbs, leeks, lettuce, onions, parsnips, peaches, peas, peppers, potatoes, radishes, rutabagas, shallots, spinach, squash, tomatoes, turnips and watermelon. U-pick ’em blueberries, strawberries and pumpkins are also available.

    For a couple hundred dollars more, I can buy a meat share of grass-fed beef, lamb, chicken and/or turkey. The animals at this farm feed naturally at pasture, and are raised without hormones, antibiotics or steroids.

    Since the farm is close by, the weekly pick-up won’t take much time or effort. Customers who are unable to afford a share may still sign up in exchange for a few hours spent working on the farm. And, there’s no need to worry about unfamiliar fruit and veg; this CSA includes recipes in the weekly box.

    So with all of these advantages, why do I hesitate? Timing. We’ve been saving to buy a house for a while now, and our goal is to do so by the end of the year. We also hope to move to another part of the state or country (unless Nova Scotia or Scotland will have us, then we’re more than willing to become expats).

    Due to our uncertain circumstances, we could end up moving in a month or not until the Fall. As such, I’d hate to buy a share for the next 17 weeks and leave without completing it. There’s also a side of me that senses if I do buy the share, it will guarantee a quicker move, which, of course, makes me want to do it all the more.

    The deadline to join is looming. Should I live in the moment and go for it? Or be cautious and hope doing so will be more cost-effective? I’m open to your thoughts.